i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
