I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
