I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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