My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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