Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
