I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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