her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
NoShamevember. You game?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
