Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
