and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
