Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Still dying that you shit outside
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
