Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
