its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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