oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
