Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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