they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
