we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
