So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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