I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
