Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
