I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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