Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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