All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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