i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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