i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
