Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
