The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
