ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize