The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have already put on my inside pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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