You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
