a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
