toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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