No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
