"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
