Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
