Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
