Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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