Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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