im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
