One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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