she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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