he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
