if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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