So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
