our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
