So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
