i would punch a child for taco bell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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