me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
