That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
