I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
