I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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