he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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