he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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