420 ftw
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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