i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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