This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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