There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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