let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
